death....

yesterday, while watching the news in a local tv channel....
i came across a news about a dead Filipino-Chinese girl in Thailand....
it was due to the December 26 tsunami tragedy....
i was about to change the station when i saw something that surprised me....
i saw the picture of my former P.E. blockmate....
then the truth struck me....
she was the dead girl....
my former blockmate was dead....

i still remember her cute smile....
her warm laugh....
she wasn't a close friend of mine....
but somehow.... she was able to touch my life....
she was really friendly, almost everyone in our class knew her....
she was kind,one time she asked me if i was ok because i was sitting alone in one corner....

she was a 2nd year bio student....
don't know if she took up the med track....
whatever track she was taking, she had dreams....
dreams that she was not able to fulfill because of her death....
but maybe, she has already finished her task here on earth....
by touching other people's lives....

we really don't know when we will die....
maybe today.... tonight....tomorrow....
we just don't know....
sometimes.... when i think about myself dying....
i'm not scared of dying....
i'm scared that i won't be able to do something meaningful before i die...
that i haven't fulfilled my purpose....
sometimes, i ask myself if i have done something good that will make people remember me even if i'm already gone....
another thing that i'm scared of is having a painful death....
based on my experiences, i can endure pain
but, i haven't experienced anything as painful as....
i don't want to mention it anymore....

when i die....
where could i possibly go, heaven or hell?
a friend of mine asked in his blog if there's really a heaven and a hell....
i really don't know but, based on my religion.... there is a heaven and a hell....
if there's really a place called hell, i don't want to go there....
i don't want to go there but i'm not sure if i'm behaving the way God wanted me to....
people say i'm a good person.... i try to be one....
but when i remember all the sins that i've done, i'm not sure if i'm that good....

oh well....
death is something mysterious....
you won't be able to know the answers unless you experience it....
hahahahahaha

the only thing i can do is try my best to make the most of my life....
live a life that is meaningful....

may God help me live a life according to His plans....
i'm getting a little religious here.... but it really helps....