death....

yesterday, while watching the news in a local tv channel....
i came across a news about a dead Filipino-Chinese girl in Thailand....
it was due to the December 26 tsunami tragedy....
i was about to change the station when i saw something that surprised me....
i saw the picture of my former P.E. blockmate....
then the truth struck me....
she was the dead girl....
my former blockmate was dead....

i still remember her cute smile....
her warm laugh....
she wasn't a close friend of mine....
but somehow.... she was able to touch my life....
she was really friendly, almost everyone in our class knew her....
she was kind,one time she asked me if i was ok because i was sitting alone in one corner....

she was a 2nd year bio student....
don't know if she took up the med track....
whatever track she was taking, she had dreams....
dreams that she was not able to fulfill because of her death....
but maybe, she has already finished her task here on earth....
by touching other people's lives....

we really don't know when we will die....
maybe today.... tonight....tomorrow....
we just don't know....
sometimes.... when i think about myself dying....
i'm not scared of dying....
i'm scared that i won't be able to do something meaningful before i die...
that i haven't fulfilled my purpose....
sometimes, i ask myself if i have done something good that will make people remember me even if i'm already gone....
another thing that i'm scared of is having a painful death....
based on my experiences, i can endure pain
but, i haven't experienced anything as painful as....
i don't want to mention it anymore....

when i die....
where could i possibly go, heaven or hell?
a friend of mine asked in his blog if there's really a heaven and a hell....
i really don't know but, based on my religion.... there is a heaven and a hell....
if there's really a place called hell, i don't want to go there....
i don't want to go there but i'm not sure if i'm behaving the way God wanted me to....
people say i'm a good person.... i try to be one....
but when i remember all the sins that i've done, i'm not sure if i'm that good....

oh well....
death is something mysterious....
you won't be able to know the answers unless you experience it....
hahahahahaha

the only thing i can do is try my best to make the most of my life....
live a life that is meaningful....

may God help me live a life according to His plans....
i'm getting a little religious here.... but it really helps....

i'm not sure about this....

i've been reading testimonials in my friendster account....
i just realized something....
i've been concentrating on other insignificant things
that i failed to notice some things passing by....

friends that i failed to greet....
opportunities that i failed to capture....
people i failed to thank....
things i failed to fix....

i've always been telling myself
that i'm always ignored by people....
that i'm always misunderstood....
that i'm always misjudged....
that people are always treating me bad....

but in fact....
i'm the one doing this....
not only to myself....
but also to other people....

most people i met treated me
with pride....
with honor....
they thought i was the best....
they thought i was someone to be idolized....
they trusted me....
they believed in me....
but with the way things are going on right now....
i'm failing their expectations....

i'm not doing my best....
i'm becoming egoistic....
i'm always thinking of myself....
i'm always saying that i don't like egoistic people....
but in fact.... i'm the one acting like an egoistic person....

my principles have changed....
the laws i lived by have changed....
i'm slowly being transformed into someone new....
someone that is not the true me....
influences from the outside have somehow triggered these changes....
i thought i was responding to challenges correctly....
but in fact.... i'm not....
i think i gave the wrong response to the challenges that i met lately

it's not yet too late....
i could still change....
i could still improve myself....
fro the better....
may God help me through this....
i really need it....

xmas break

5th day of our xmas break...

is it really a xmas break?

i think not completely

our professors gave us a lot of things to do during the break
papers, things to read, problems

oh well....

maybe this break would be a boring one if they didn't give us something to do

i just hope i finish everthing before the year ends

i want to start the year right
i don't want to be "on the rush" again

oh.... i miss my school friends
i won't be seeing them till next year...
sad...

i 'll be going...

i still need to do some things...

see ya!!!

what a day....

hello!!!!

this has been one busy day....
i had my last chemistry and literature class for this year!
sadly, my professors in both subjects gave our class some things to work on during the break

hahahaha

tomorrow, i'll be having my last class in zoology and filipino
i still can't believe that it's Christmas...
that this year is fast approaching its end...
that i am already in college...
that life is full of challenges...
that i'm alive...

oh my, what's happening to me....
hahahaha
i think this is due to lack of sleep

during the xmas break, i'll try sleeping
i want to save energy for the next year so that i would do better in class

oh well
i'm feeling a bit sleepy already....

this ends my post....

bye........

funny day....

thank you for those who gave comments on my entries
it somehow helped me...
it's funny how people relate to each other's experiences

hahahaha

yesterday, i got the results of one of the long exams i took last week
gladly, i didn't fail.... i even got one of the highest scores
i was surprised, but thankful that it had a good result
thank God for helping me through that....

anyway, this morning i saw my friend who was avoiding me
he was still avoiding me, but somehow he indirectly talked to me today
how? i don't know...
i just felt like he's telling me something without saying any word
sadly, i can't understand his message
i just hope he would speak up before this year ends
i really want to talk to him
i really miss him

so sad....

anyway, nothing interesting happened today
but, one of my friends said something that really inspired me

yesterday, i wrote something about my experience in school everytime i arrive early
he read it and he said that it was a very good narration

hahahaha
i couldn't believe what i'm hearing at the moment
somehow, it lifted my spirits
although i'm not that good in writing or speaking in english,
i was able to come up with something like this

oh well, i think this ends my entry...

i'll try to post another one tomorrow...
bye....

a little sad....

i'm currently inside our house
sitting in front of the computer
thinking of something interesting to write here
i haven't learned how to edit this blog
i hope i learn something soon

nothing interesting happened to me lately

i'm sad....
one of my friends is not talking to me
did i do something wrong?
i don't know
he just stopped talking to me
i think he's also avoiding me
hahahahaha
as if there's a very good reason for doing that
oh well, i personally don't know the answers to these questions
i just hope my studies don't get affected by this

know what, i miss my friend
i just met him this year and i wanted to know him more
but.... i think there's a possibility that it won't happen
if he doesn't stop avoiding me without telling me his reason,
i think the situation will last until next year

oh!!! what's the problem with him
sometimes, i want to confront him
and ask him his reason for avoiding me

Grrrrrrr....
so sad....

ok....
i'm feeling a little depressed....
i don't have anyone to talk to....
this is the reason why i made this blog....

oh well
i think this ends my third blog post

bye........................

so tired....

i'm here inside the gowee internet cafe
i'm with my sister
i met her in one of the public establishments here in manila
it's a sunday but i'm not at home
i feel so tired
i need to do my papers and it will be passed to morrow afternoon
i hope i finish it tonight
what's the problem with me
i'm so lazy
lately i failed to do many things
i just hope i change this attitude
_______________________________________________________________________

change topic
hahahahahaha
i think i failed my two long exams hahahaha
i think i answered them all correctly, but i'm not that confident with the result
i just hope i pass those exams
i'm really scared promis
eoh well, maybe God wanted to tell me that always being "on the rush"
will not be effective when you're in college
hahahaha

ok, my sister is already getting angry
she wants to go home and she's really hungry and tired
sorry for the delay sis....
i'm ending this post
hope someone gets to read this and be able to understand the things that i'm saying

bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

first post....

hello pips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just finished signing-up for this blog....
some of my friends already have their blogs and most of them signed-up last july

..................................................................................................
this has been one boring day
i wasn't able to finish anything.... i was trying to think about a topic for my paper,
but the thoughts just don't make sense.... this is the problem when you're sick....

oh well.... i think this ends my first post....

i'll try to improve this blog (although i don't know how)....

see ya..........